Mindfulness - Accessing the Self
What does it mean to be mindful? It is a word we hear often in our yoga classes, but what does it mean in practice? The word itself is actually a bit misleading, containing the word “mind” it implies thinking. Thinking involves a dialogue, storytelling, even judgement. The thinking mind is a tricky beast. It is subject to habits, manipulation and deception. But true mindfulness is beyond thinking, it is simply awareness, observation, and acknowledgment without attaching value judgment or meaning. If we can settle into our awareness as witness we can more honestly connect to our experiences and ourselves.
In yogic philosophy the citta (or what we in the west think of as the mind) is divided into three components: manas, the mind; buddhi, the intellect; and ahamkara, the ego. Manas is the reactive mind that is subject to the variations of the vrittis, those tendencies based on patterned habits, or samskara. It will impose beliefs onto the input it receives from the senses, trying to organize it into a framework it understands and that supports its understanding of reality - or at least the reality that it is currently attached to. It reacts in three common ways, based on attraction, aversion and indifference. It lives on desires and often compels you toward the negative. For example, it is the mamas, mind, that will tell you “My arms are not long enough to do this pose” or “I’m too old to do this” or “I’m not smart enough for…..”
In a mindfulness practice, we are aiming to avoid this reactive mind. We are aiming to allow the input to come without attaching meaning to it. For example, when a bind in a marichyasana pose is not coming, we allow the information “I am not binding” rather than the judgment “My arms are too short”. Then we try to take our observations further: “What am I feeling in my shoulder? Am I accessing forward fold? or twist?” etc to lead us further into honest observation of our experiences. As we gather information, a new picture, a new reality begins to emerge, one we avoid reacting to and instead allow the buddhi, the intellect, to assess. Intellectual understanding is gained by experience. It must be practiced and then it becomes a part of your personality. Intellectual observation keeps aiming further inward, inward, inward towards the ultimate reality. So what is that? Good question! Keep searching!
Perhaps surprisingly, pain is a means to direct us toward a mindful practice. It provides a point of focus to direct our observation and awareness inward, beyond the senses. Our five senses keep our focus on the world outside of ourselves, the environment that provides scents, sounds, sights etc. Pain takes our attention to the experiences within our own bodies, to our muscles, joints, etc. When the body is giving us feedback that we want to immediately label “pain” we are paying attention to the information. If we can avoid the manas, mind - avoid reaction, avoid judgment, labeling and storytelling - we can sit in witness to our experience and begin to ask questions. We can access the buddhi, intellect. This leads to understanding that becomes our new reality.
Another way into mindfulness is the breath. Like pain, the breath directs our awareness from the world outside of ourselves to the world within. The breath is something that happens naturally, without thought. But it is also something that we can take conscious control over and move and direct as we choose. As we focus on managing and directing the breath we dive into ourselves, into our nervous system. As we slow and steady the breath, our manas calms and quiets, the reactions are slowed, our emotional reactions are intercepted with observational awareness. We are given space to accept information from ourselves, even observe the reactionary mind from the perspective of the intellect! One aspect of the mind observing the other! It’s fascinating!
With practice, mindfulness becomes our way of being. We sit in witness to our experiences, allowing information to gather without reacting from a place of judgment, without needing to fit everything into our current reality. We allow our reality to change based on the honesty of our experiences. We go deeper and deeper inward, as neutral observer, eventually integrating with the true nature of the self.
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