Every yoga community has it’s culture. In my decade or so as an instructor, I have taught Ashtanga Yoga in a few different cities: Chicago, Miami, Philadelphia, and visited many others for workshops and events. Each community has certain characteristics regarding their approach to practice, to discipline, to asana, to ego, etc. Of course there are aspects of each individual that may contradict the whole but when in the room with a group there is often an overall sense of that group’s identity. Maybe it is intellectual and skeptical. Maybe it is driven and overeager. Maybe it is experimental and noncommittal. Each time I sink into the experiences of a new community it causes me to reflect on my own approach to practice, my own personal culture.
I have always considered myself to be a bit lazy. I know Guruji used to say only lazy people cannot practice Ashtanga yoga, yet here I am. I am the person that really, I mean REALLY, struggles with a consistent home practice. I can come up with a million rationalizations why I just can’t practice: “Ooops I already ate something, I can’t practice now!” “The kids NEED me this morning.” “I practiced yesterday” “I have to be somewhere in three hours, I just don’t have the time.” And then if I do make it to my mat, I tend to practice just good enough: “Primary Series is good enough” “Half Second is good enough” “Didn’t catch my landing in karandavasana, but that was good enough” “mayurasana was a mess (always is), but it was good enough” Because I have realized my tendency to settle samskara long ago, I do my best to first get into a shala with a teacher - it really changes everything for my motivation, intention, accountability - and second, not give in to the laziness of being satisfied with good enough when I am practicing at home, which lately is very very often.
Recently I am realizing that it isn’t really the urge to require so little of myself that is my practice culture, it is the resisting of it that characterizes me. I mean, maybe Guruji was right, lazy people cannot do this practice. And maybe I was not in fact lazy. I had a practice that stretched into third series, a lazy person would not have journeyed that far, right? A lazy person would not have chosen the physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding path of instructor. So I have misdiagnosed myself. I am not lazy after all, I am quite determined, quite motivated - at least enough to overcome what maybe most of us feel with regards to discipline and a committed yoga practice. It is the overcoming that defines us, not the challenge. That being said, what is the progress we are striving for in our practice anyway?
After second baby, I had faced a possible truth that I may never practice third series again. That it was a practice for a time in my life that had passed. I accepted it, with grief and a lot of ego resistance. But then something amazing happened! I started practicing with a teacher for the first time since beginning my journey as a parent. My practice progressed steadily and quickly, and about a year and a half after birthing my second boy, I was again practicing my third series postures!
It was a bit mind blowing, perception altering, to accept a new truth - that nothing is certain, all things are possible. Then shortly after reaching the point in my practice that I had been before kids, a new revelation. While the postures felt familiar, accomplishable, some even easy… the practice as a whole, full second through a small handful of postures of third, thoroughly. wiped. me. out. As a mom who had to leave the shala to go home to two little ones in the getting-into-everything stage and the needs-mommy-for-everything stage, I wondered if I could maintain it. But why did I have to? Serendipitously, due to schedule issues and circumstances at home, I had to shift my practices from the shala to the garage. And with my previously mentioned tendency towards “good enough” I soon settled into a practice that excluded my newly regained third series postures. And it felt great! It felt right. I am now confident that third series, and maybe beyond, is something that is available to me in the future of my practice but am comfortable that the time is not NOW.
I look at the culture I am currently teaching in and see students that are so enthusiastic for that next pose, the next physical challenge, referencing superstars on instagram, or other students in the same mysore room, asking about handstand technique and drop backs. Will they realize eventually, that progress in our practice is not about how many postures we do, or even about how well we execute them - not really? Progress is about deepening our understanding of ourselves, and the opportunity for that is available in surya namaskar just as readily as it is in tic tics. I am reminded of something Sharath spoke about in conference during one of my trips to practice in Mysore. A student asked about something Guruji used to say about the practice - that the more stupid the student, the further into the 6 series he/she would have to practice to reach enlightenment. Sharath laughed and said then he must be the most stupid. And he clarified saying yes, while many need more, there is enough to work with in Primary series alone, even just surya namaskar, to guide a student to Samadhi, if the student is devoted and focused. So rest easy, whatever your practice, it is in fact, good enough.
I have always considered myself to be a bit lazy. I know Guruji used to say only lazy people cannot practice Ashtanga yoga, yet here I am. I am the person that really, I mean REALLY, struggles with a consistent home practice. I can come up with a million rationalizations why I just can’t practice: “Ooops I already ate something, I can’t practice now!” “The kids NEED me this morning.” “I practiced yesterday” “I have to be somewhere in three hours, I just don’t have the time.” And then if I do make it to my mat, I tend to practice just good enough: “Primary Series is good enough” “Half Second is good enough” “Didn’t catch my landing in karandavasana, but that was good enough” “mayurasana was a mess (always is), but it was good enough” Because I have realized my tendency to settle samskara long ago, I do my best to first get into a shala with a teacher - it really changes everything for my motivation, intention, accountability - and second, not give in to the laziness of being satisfied with good enough when I am practicing at home, which lately is very very often.
After second baby, I had faced a possible truth that I may never practice third series again. That it was a practice for a time in my life that had passed. I accepted it, with grief and a lot of ego resistance. But then something amazing happened! I started practicing with a teacher for the first time since beginning my journey as a parent. My practice progressed steadily and quickly, and about a year and a half after birthing my second boy, I was again practicing my third series postures!
It was a bit mind blowing, perception altering, to accept a new truth - that nothing is certain, all things are possible. Then shortly after reaching the point in my practice that I had been before kids, a new revelation. While the postures felt familiar, accomplishable, some even easy… the practice as a whole, full second through a small handful of postures of third, thoroughly. wiped. me. out. As a mom who had to leave the shala to go home to two little ones in the getting-into-everything stage and the needs-mommy-for-everything stage, I wondered if I could maintain it. But why did I have to? Serendipitously, due to schedule issues and circumstances at home, I had to shift my practices from the shala to the garage. And with my previously mentioned tendency towards “good enough” I soon settled into a practice that excluded my newly regained third series postures. And it felt great! It felt right. I am now confident that third series, and maybe beyond, is something that is available to me in the future of my practice but am comfortable that the time is not NOW. 