From the Archives: November 3, 2016 Doubt and Commitment

Doubt and Commitment on the Ashtanga Mysore Path

We have recently completed our first month of the Ashtanga Mysore program at Yoga Path Palm Beach! Did you make it in this month? How’s your practice going? The first month of Ashtanga Mysore self-practice method is a challenging, exhilarating, shifting, humbling, revealing, and often confusing battle against our desire to just stay in bed. It bonks up against your routines, patterns and comfort zones - shoving at your samskaras. If you made it this far into the discipline, you may be facing a series of doubts. Is this really my practice? Do I really want to commit to this approach? Am I benefiting? Am I enjoying my yoga practice? Am I really going to be an Ashtangi for the rest. of. my. life? You are not alone. If you continue with the practice, these doubts will arise again and again - this is a good thing! From personal experiences in my own practice and as an instructor, observing the journey that so many students have traveled, I have found there to be certain time markers that ask us to reinvestigate our intentions, motivations, and commitment. That one month point is the first. This is one of the reasons that many shalas require a one month commitment to begin the practice. One month of committed practice will give you a solid understanding of the process and you will begin to experience what is possible, you will also get a glimpse of the obstacles and resistances you face. It will either look like something you are just not interested in or it will look like a mountain you are eager to climb. I have seen this questioning phase come up again around either three or six months, and then also at one year. Beyond that, it depends on the practitioner, but it does arise, again and again. A re-examining is essential. I don’t know who first said it, but I have heard a saying “anyone can do ashtanga, but it’s not for everyone.” A sort of deviation of the Guruji (Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois) quote “anyone can do yoga, except lazy person” The truth is that anyone is capable of doing this practice, but not everyone chooses to. Ashtanga asks a lot of you, the student. It asks for your discipline and commitment, your surrender to process, your trust in a teacher, your humility and willingness to learn. What does that word mean - “commitment”? It is not a choice you make once and it is done. In your yoga practice just as in any relationship, commitment is a constant evaluating - Is this good for me? Is it right for me? Has something changed from when I first chose this path? If you examine your doubts and seek to answer your inner questions and still come to the conclusion that: Yes! You want to continue this journey, then your relationship to your practice deepens, your motivations strengthen, discipline comes more easily, and you are again inspired. If you decide this practice is not working for you, move on, no biggie - you can always come back (wink wink) I sincerely believe that there is a yoga for everyone and it is up to the student to discover it. The student seeks the teacher/practice - not the other way around. I also happen to sincerely believe in the transformative power of this approach! So if the time is right, and this is your practice you will know it. As hard as it is, as scary as it is, as exhausting as it is - you will overcome your doubts and you will again set your alarm for 5:30am. You will drink your coffee in the dark, join the rest of the zombies breathing into the silence. You will sweat and cry and finally find your hands in marichyasana d or finally come up to stand from back bend, or finally land your karandavasana, or you will do none of those and still feel pretty damn amazing, though not sure why. You will be relieved when you lie down into final rest and you will do it all again tomorrow. The self-practice method will ask a lot from you but it will provide so much in return, if you are willing to stay. Stay. Stay with the breath. Stay in the process. Stay on the path.

From the Archives: April 9, 2016 Parenting and the Search for Unicorns

Parenting and the Search for Unicorns

Yoga is hard work. Parenting is hard work. Maintaining a yoga practice while trying to apply yogic principles to parenting is like . . . building a bridge to Neverland in search of a unicorn. Or is it? One of the primary principles of yoga is the cultivation of non-attachment. Practicing non-attachment can be very helpful in approaching your yoga practice while caring for small children.

Before we can really understand what non-attachment is we need to first distinctly remove the idea of what it is not - aversion. Non-attachment does not mean avoidance. It does not mean staying away from those things you are tempted to attach to. Non-attachment is allowing anything and everything without identifying the self with its presence. It is doing the work required of you without expectation of the results of that effort.

In yoga asana practice, the concept of non-attachment becomes tangible and workable. We do our forward folds every practice, without the expectation that today we will touch our toes, or bring our nose to our knees. We simply fold forward, day after day with intention and allow the body to respond. It would be nice if we flattened our bodies against our legs but until then, we continue to fold forward, as far as we can, day after day. Of course we want it, the wanting is part of the motivation but whether we get to that ultimate end or not does not affect the daily work of folding forward and does not affect the way we identify ourselves. Are you “a forward folder” or “not a forward folder”? Neither. You are a person, a divine light, who happens to be doing the work of forward folding.

Pregnancy and parenthood taught me a lot about releasing my expectations. When I first became pregnant I thought I would be one of those preggy ladies doing amazing advanced poses into my ninth month, huge belly and all. Turned out to not be the case, at all. Labor and delivery also were far from what I expected. I thought: “Hey i do yoga, I meditate, do breath work. This labor thing is going to be a breeze.” 49 hours later, my expectations were completely shattered. Returning to my mat postpartum I was reminded, over and over again, to let go of what I thought was supposed to be happening and simply exist in the now of what WAS happening. It was, and remains, a challenging lesson to integrate. Now two years past the birth of my second child, with two preschool children at home, I focus on the effort, commitment, strength, and discipline it takes to simply get on my mat consistently. I set intentions for my practice but in the end I allow it to manifest as it does. I have come to accept and trust that the time will come, not too far from now, that I will be able to give more of my mental capacities, physical efforts and consecutive minutes to time on my mat. I accept that at this time, it is not so important to work my deepest leg behind head poses, or my deepest backbend etc. The importance of my practice right now is that it provide me with time alone, time to go in, time for nurturing and strengthening and time for self-attention. 

While dreaming of being a parent someday I always imagined this little Buddha baby, the epitome of peace and love. The child would manifest all of the yogic principles I have spent so much time working on in myself. How could they not bloom in the life I created? We are never the parents that we think we would be. There is nothing anyone can do, think, or say to be prepared for parenthood. You simply have no idea until you are neck deep in it. Sri K Pattabhi Jois, the long-time head of the Ashtanga lineage, which has six series of asana sequences that get progressively harder, was known to have referred to parenting as seventh series yoga - because it is hard, like really really hard. It is easy to approach life with yogic principles when all you have to worry about is yourself. It is easy to do a two hour yoga practice every day if you only have your own schedule to be concerned about. It is easy to remain steady and focused on your practice when it is one thing on a short list of priorities. The real yoga happens when you add in the challenges of children, a partner, etc. Now, with all of these obstacles, do your yoga. Now find inner peace. The challenge is the point. And like that forward fold, we don’t stop trying because it is hard. We do the work, day after day without attachment to the results of that work. We get on our mats, we breath in and breath out, we focus our attention inward, we cultivate the inner strength required to face our kids with love (for them as well as for ourselves). We remain mindful of our intentions to guide them and hopefully teach them something about being loving, peaceful beings in this world. It would be nice if they would become shining examples of divine light in physical form, little unicorns. It would be nice, but until then, do your best. Do the work, on and off your mat, build the bridge.

From the Archives: April 9, 2016 Self-abandonment and High Vigilance

Self-abandonment and High Vigilance




I recently read a couple of bloggy articles that are giving me greater insight into my own personal experiences with motherhood. Becoming a mother has completely changed me, changed my perception of myself, changed my interactions (or lack thereof) with others… I am currently a different person than I ever knew myself to be. Evidently, when you become a mother your brain literally reprograms itself, through hormonal changes as well as the draining of nutrients during pregnancy (the baby steals an average of 5% of mommy’s brain via the placenta) Hormones also work to establish a bonding connection between mommy and baby. A connection is made even on a cellular level - mommy carries baby dna, acquired via the placenta, in her body for the rest of her life. We begin during those 9 months of gestation to shift priorities, to shed attachment to our wants and needs for the sake of our little unborns. We stop eating certain things and doing certain activities. We surrender the functions of our bodies to the needs within our wombs. It is pretty wild! Regardless of your style of parenting, once born, baby is very dependent solely on mommy during those first weeks, even months, especially if breastfeeding is involved. Mommy learns the nuances of every sound, every expression, every wiggle and giggle. Mommy can identify from another room, without looking at baby, that she is cold or that he needs his teddy bear. Mommy’s every sense is open, reaching, raw nerve sensitive to baby’s needs, even while sleeping, even while away from home. Do I think that Daddy’s also develop this level of sensitivity, hyper-vigilance as named in one article? No, no I do not. It is hormonal, physiological, initiated by pregnancy. So while Daddy’s might have their own version of attention I don’t think it can go to the depths that Mommy’s can experience. As babies become independently mobile a new level of vigilance is required. They can get into everything, and are especially drawn to the stuff you didn’t think to baby proof, or wouldn’t know how to baby proof if you had thought of it. Every time I turn around it seems I saving one from falling or grabbing something dangerous or doing something naughty to the other or destructive to the house or all of these combined- it is exhausting. It is a constant anxiety, fight or flight readiness. I have become incredibly impulsive in my responses, and irrationally emotional. I have a hard time focusing on conversations with my partner because the majority of my brain power if occupied with listening, looking, sensing what the boys might be up to. The slightest sound wakes me from sleep. I can be forgetful, wired, anxious, drained, guilty, isolated, frustrated, detached, and numb all at once. With all of this focus on the kids, mothers tend to abandon their own needs, wishes, and passions. I only recently came to the painful realization that I don't matter in my own life, not even to myself. While I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own happiness and well being, I shifted expectation of that fulfillment to my partner and then even to my sons. Realizing that I was putting that burden on them was a moment of clarity and a shift happened in my perspective. I have to treat myself like I matter and doing so does not mean I am neglecting my responsibilities to my family, it does not mean I am withdrawing attention, love, care from them. I means I am including myself in that picture, I am acknowledging that I too am deserving of attention, love, and care and that I am going to choose it. That is only one piece of this puzzle, though it is a big one. I am beginning to explore how the yoga practice affects specifically these aspects of high-vigilance, constant anxiety, impulsive responsiveness, etc etc etc

From the Arcives: July 19, 2016 What is Ashtanga?

What is Ashtanga? 

Have you ever practiced Ashtanga Yoga? No? Have you ever practiced vinyasa, flow, or power? These methods are all very closely related. What exactly is the relationship among these yoga asana modalities? Let’s take a look … but to do so we have to go back, way back, back in time and to a place called India. Heard of it? 

In 1888 a man named Sri T. Krishnamacharya was born. Read more about him on krishnamacharya.net We now refer to him as the father of modern yoga and he was responsible for the revival of yoga asana practice as we know it today. Legend tells that he learned the method from ancient papyrus scrolls of unknown age provided by his teacher, Ramamohan Brahmachari, in a cave in the Himalayas. Intriguing, isn’t it? The method he taught was Vinyasa Yoga. Vinyasa refers to the interconnection of breath and movement and dynamic sequencing where each asana or posture is linked by specific transitions, creating a constant flow where from the first breath and movement to the last there is steadiness and continuity, allowing for elements of moving meditation and pranayama practice. It was a method of therapy and healing and a way to integrate the physical body into spiritual practices of the modern (at that time) yogi. His many students spread out into the world teaching methods based on their personal experiences as students and as teachers. We won’t go into all of those divergent methods - that’s a topic for a much longer article - but I will drop some names right here: B.K.S. Iyengar, Sri Desikachar, Indra Devi (a woman!), B.N.S. Iyengar, and Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. 

Sri K. Pattabhi Jois took over Krishnamacharya’s teachings in Mysore, India when the master moved away (and continued to teach, by the way). The method that Jois inherited from his teacher and then further developed came to be known as Ashtanga Yoga. Ashtanga is set sequences of postures, the same poses done in the same order, every time. The organization is progressive so that each asana prepares the body, nervous system, mind, and personality for what follows. It is very structured and intentional and has been practiced very much the same way - with some changes dictated by experience and time and thousands of students - since the early 20th century. So, like … a hundred years or so. Ashtanga is traditionally practiced in the Mysore method (named after the city in India that is the heart and home of the lineage). Mysore is a self-practice approach in which each student moves through the Ashtanga sequence as they have been taught, in their own time, to their own breath. The teacher is available to provide guidance, instruct, and introduce new postures as is appropriate for each student’s individual journey.

It is only since the 1970’s and 80’s that Ashtanga began to spread in the west and specifically America. In the 90’s, some students of Ashtanga began to imagine other approaches to yoga asana and the Vinyasa method. Particularly they wanted to alter the sequencing, be more creative and free from the structure that was Ashtanga. These new methods came to be known by the more general term Vinyasa as they maintained the dynamic linking nature of movement, and focus on breath, but could not be called Ashtanga as they did not maintain the set sequence. The term “Vinyasa” became westernized into “Flow” meaning basically the same thing in a non-sanskrit kinda way. Other students of Ashtanga focused on the dynamic, athleticism of the Ashtanga practice and chose to organize their sequences in a way that prioritized power and endurance, hence “Power” yoga was born. Others blended what they knew from Ashtanga with other lineages entirely, like Sivananda (again, a topic for another time) which is how Jivamukti was born, among others. 

Even today students of the “traditional” methods, those with a strong lineage and tradition of parampara (receiving transference of knowledge directly from a master teacher), are creating their own approach to this ancient practice of self discovery and transformation. At its purest, yoga is a spiritual practice that leads us to awareness and experience of our true nature as divine beings. But whatever your reason for choosing to get on your mat, yoga has benefit for that as well. And whether you choose power, flow, Vinyasa, Iyengar, or Ashtanga, you can offer thanks to the father, Krishnamacharya.

From the Archives: July 12, 2009 A Gift From India

From the Archives: July 12, 2009

“A Gift from India” 

We have all come to the yoga practice for a myriad of reasons, each of us with different intentions. At some point when you have practiced long enough with consistency you realize that the practice of yoga is about going inward and learning about the Self.  Who am I?  That is the question and yoga has the answer.   Within the experiences of the body we come to our first road blocks or obstructions and learn that these can be overcome.  Yoga shows us our habits over and over again until we learn new methods to retrain our bodies and develop a deeper awareness of how the body moves.  While recently spending a month in India I realized that India herself offers the same lessons.  She shows you to yourself without sugar-coating or perfume.  Any patterns or habits become clear and unavoidable giving you the opportunity to react differently and to learn something new.  

Our ego, which is only a distraction though a strong one, is a way of identifying ourselves with things outside of the Self.  The true Self is beyond labels or competition and it is present only in the moment of the experience.  Doing an asana practice, we learn that we have the strength and awareness to work through physical pain and resistance.  Through consistent asana practice over a long period of time we work from places of tension, stiffness, weakness and fatigue into places of freedom, release, strength and stability.  As we overcome the obstacles of asana we learn that the negative voice of ego resistance can be silenced or at least turned down significantly and we can keep moving.  The way we look at our bodies and our practice begins to change without our even trying.  No matter the pose we are working on or our abilities regarding that pose, the real lessons are about how we react to the challenge.    

In the same way spending time in India has been for me a magnifying glass that puts my tendencies into glaring perspective.  Mysore, India is home to Ashtanga yoga and Guruji, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois.  It is the base of operations that is the heart and soul of the Ashtanga practice and a location of pilgrimage for those that practice the Ashtanga yoga method.  Mysore is a place apart from the real world and as a yoga student preparing and planning for practice in Mysore you detach and isolate yourself from your life back at home.  Leaving behind your job, family, obligations, routines and schedules you land in this community where the only thing you have to do and be responsible for is your yoga.  In a culture so different from what we know here in the west the only thing that has any familiarity is yourself or at least who you know yourself to be.  

Like being on your yoga mat, while in Mysore, India you are given the freedom to be completely self-focused and directed inward.  When the only thing you have to do each day is get up and practice the rest of your time becomes an opportunity to do only that which you choose to do.  You learn about how much time you need alone to feel comfortable socializing with people you hardly know.  You learn of your tolerance, acceptance and compassion for anything different from what you are familiar with just by interactions with your surroundings while walking to breakfast or going to the nearby chai (Indian tea) stand.    You begin to see the patterns of what you are drawn to and discover where your pleasure and your inspiration lie. It is an enlightening process to see what you choose when you have complete freedom.  If you find you are making choices out of some sense of obligation this becomes crystal clear.  There is no boss, parent or spouse watching over you, no child to create a model for, and no one to judge you but yourself.  When you look deeply inside you will see what you truly value, what behavior feels right, what behavior feels wrong but that you choose to do anyway and the reasons for your actions.

With no one having expectations of who you are beyond your presence and earnestness on the mat, there is freedom to do, be and live differently.  You learn what you expect of yourself and you learn compassion.  Just as the truth of your bind in Marichyasana D is not something you can fake, the truth of who you are in the world is not easy to fake when presented with the conditions of Mysore.  There is no hiding.  Negative or unhealthy patterns become obvious as well as those you simply no longer need.  Now you are faced with the choice to change or not.   Our thoughts extend into new worlds of possibility and we accept the challenges that come our way as opportunities for growth.

When the ego identifies falsely with things outside of the Self it might be useful to notice what it attaches to when you are alone in a foreign land focusing on your yoga. Simply seeing where the ego tries to find its strength when it is cast adrift will be a powerful learning process. Without the patterns and habits for the ego to fall back on you are able to identify with what is more immediate to your experience and to what is more proximal to your center.  When you can release the world of the familiar where your attachments breed expectation and judgement, whether by stepping onto your mat or by traveling across the planet to Mysore, India, you can find the truth of who you are.  You identify with what is more true to the purest Self.  That is a gift of this practice and a gift of going to Mysore, to Guruji, and to the source of Ashtanga yoga.